Not all stress is created equally. I remember a story about stress that made me cry- during a time when I couldn’t even define how many stressors I was carrying. Comparing stress to a glass of water, a professor recognized that if you had to carry the glass of water for a minute, it was light, but the longer you carried it, the heavier it would seem. Finally it clicked for me that carrying so many stressors (no matter how “light” they seemed to me or anyone else) were enough to overwhelm me. Together, they had created a heavy burden. It didn’t mean that I couldn’t handle the stressors individually, but until I was able to put it in that perspective, I felt like a failure.
As I researched this blog series, people told me stories of major life decisions they had made and events that traumatized them. In spite of whatever time that had elapsed, sharing their stories with me made them feel vulnerable all over again. It was clear to me that it shows how few people really get to know our WHOLE story…. and that we only show people what it’s safe to show.
Trauma, you say? YES! Recognize trauma for what it is!
Trauma by definition is “a very difficult or unpleasant experience that causes someone to have mental or emotional problems usually for a long time.” (Merriam-Webster.com) Because every person reacts differently to life events and relationship issues, we don’t always recognize situations as traumatic until they manifest in other areas. It doesn’t mean that the trauma is less severe, but just less recognizable than a broken leg.
The best way to recognize trauma is to know yourself and those close to you. Take notice of changes in behavior, productivity, habits, and attitudes. If people change in noticeable ways like being inconsistent in their behavior, it could be a sign that there is trauma lurking below the surface.
According to HelpGuide.org, below is a list of Emotional and Psychological Symptoms of Trauma. (helpguide.org)
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Shock, denial, or disbelief
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Anger, irritability, mood swings
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Guilt, shame, self-blame
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Feeling sad or hopeless
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Confusion, difficulty
concentrating
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Anxiety and fear
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Withdrawing from others
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Feeling disconnected or numb
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Your support circle: Who are your closest friends and advisors? Talk over your stress with someone- even if just to release some of the anxiety. Listen with an open mind to what they say… they love you and have your best interests at heart. You don’t have to do what they say but you should recognize that if you are under the fog of anxiety, your brain cells are not operating at their maximum potential. Sometimes when we are stressed, we don’t rationalize even the simplest of solutions. (Have you ever been stressed that something doesn’t work only to find out it wasn’t plugged in?)
Take care of yourself: I KNOW this sounds cliché, but eat healthy foods, exercise and get enough sleep. Failing to do any of these will put you at a deficit from the on-set. Studies show that sleep deprivation alone can result in accidents, forgetfulness, depression, weight gain, and even death. (WebMD)
Small perks: Appreciate the small perks that come your way AND don’t be afraid to arrange a few perks for yourself. About a year ago, I found a list of 24 Ways to Remind Yourself that You Are Special. Some of the perks on the list don’t even cost money. While not all of these things will work for everyone, you can always make your own list of small perks and work your way through them. You CAN add some beauty, creativity and positive energy into your own world.
Positive people, positive energy, and positive affirmation: We all have people in our lives that are “Negative Nellie’s.” Life is too short and fragile to surround yourself with people who rob you of your joy. Even if you can’t avoid them, you can minimize your exposure to them and their effect on you. I have positive declarations on my appointment calendar so that I begin my work day with a positive thought for myself.
Need ideas for positive affirmations? Here’s a short list of sites to get you started.
· http://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2013/05/28/inspirational-quotes/
· https://www.pinterest.com/explore/positive-thoughts/?p=5
· https://www.pinterest.com/healthiacynthia/i-declare-daily-promises/
Many of life events can wreak havoc in our lives and will continue to do so until something gives… Don’t let it be your sanity. You can conquer adversity.
Anyone who has ever been through a trying period of their life will recognize that your feelings and reactions to adversity are unique to you. People often want to categorize and compartmentalize what they think you are going through, but they probably don’t know the whole picture. Don’t let their labels or the labels in your head prevent you from bouncing back. Sometimes, in spite of all the things that are not working, all you need is one area of your life to come back under control and the tide of adversity will begin to wane.
However, please know that you are not the only one who has had a struggle. You are not the only one who has needed help in time of a personal crisis. If you ever feel like you can’t handle “one more thing” or that there is no end in sight, know yourself enough to know when to seek help.
Know when to get help: (Helpguide.org)
- Having trouble functioning at home or work
- Suffering from severe fear, anxiety, or depression
- Unable to form close, satisfying relationships
- Experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks
- Avoiding more and more things that remind you of the trauma
- Emotionally numb and disconnected from others
- Using alcohol or drugs to feel better
Remember- “You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” A.A. Milne, author of Winnie the Pooh.
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