Over the past few weeks, I have interviewed several women whom I admire. When I approached them about the interviews, several of them said, "Why me?" They consider themselves ordinary. They have no idea, or little idea of the impact that they have on others, in their ordinary course of business, or by just being themselves. They are professional, but also personable and caring. They have a positive impact on their environment.
As I listened to their stories, I was amazed by their wisdom. Some of it was taught to them as they grew up- some of it was learned along the way.
A few themes ran through the conversations: Good advice is timeless, Hindsight is 20/20, and if you persevere, you might just succeed in spite of yourself. One more thing that became clear is that there are some things that we just don't understand until we are older.
Timeless Advice:
“Always chose friends who are better than you in knowledge, character and morals. Their influence will have a positive impact on your life.” (Hafsa Abdikeir, Program Support Specialist, George Mason University)This piece of advice is totally true! As a parent, I have told my kids “not to hang out with the wrong crowd,” but this takes that advice one step further and it’s not only for kids. We are often a representation of those closest to us. We learn to emulate those that that we spend the most time with- for good or bad. I have heard reports that we are the median of our inner circle and I think that’s true. If we give thought to our values and with whom we spend our time, then the impact will be positive. We will learn more and be more successful and in the end we will also be better people.
As I reflect on this now, I understand that we guide our children to keep them from harm (and to keep them out of trouble) and that is our job as parents. However, I can’t help but think that for all the negatives that we offer kids- “don’t do this or that”-we really ought to be offering the positive spin as well. It seems clear to me that instead of saying, “Don’t waste your money on that,” we should probably offer thought about spending money on things that have more value or quality.
If we focus on teaching positive lessons to our kids, they won’t have to learn them later.
“Start out as you mean to go.” (Linda Lane Sheridan, Deputy Campus Coordinator, 4-VA, George Mason University)This is another piece of advice that has a positive spin. Linda told me that one of her first bosses gave her that advice. This gem simplifies several other familiar sayings: “Don’t go off half-cocked,” “Put your best foot forward,” and “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Professionally, it means, “be organized, positive and strategic. Don’t do things in a haphazard or careless manner.”
Jeff Toister, a national customer service and training expert, explains that first impressions have a lingering effect by creating confirmation bias. Toister explains, “Confirmation bias occurs when people have strongly held opinions. There’s a natural tendency to selectively filter new information, facts, and experiences based upon whether it confirms our opinion. We conveniently hang on to anything that supports our point of view while ignoring or dismissing any evidence to the contrary.” On a professional level, a good first impression is critical. We all have off-days, but if it’s not the first impression, we are forgiven. Confirmation bias is hard to over-come once a negative first impression has occurred.
From a relationship perspective, I think this means even more. The precedents we set with relationships- both personal and professional- are defined by the boundaries we set in the beginning. If we allow people to be rude, or to treat us badly, or to take advantage of us in the early stages of a relationship, then it is perceived that the behavior is deemed to be ok, or that we won’t do anything about it. It’s not to say that things can’t change afterwards, but as with most things… change is often met with resistance. It’s harder to change than it is to set the tone from the on-set.
Learning from the wisdom of others is better than learning the hard way. (way better)
As I continue this personal and professional development series, I am doing my best to learn from the wisdom of others. As much as I can learn and share- if I make anyone else’s life a little better or easier, then I have succeeded.
Wisdom is timeless. Knowledge is powerful. Learning the hard way is painful!
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