Lesson of the Day: How to Deal with Anger

I went to church last Sunday- late, but I made it. The topic was, "Anger" and the havoc it wreaks on our lives. When I first heard it, I was thinking, "I am not angry. I have had more than my fair share of dealing with angry people and in general, I am slow to anger." Then, in the last few minutes of the sermon, the Pastor slipped in my lesson of the day.

What was it?  During the sermon, he discussed the expressions of anger - exploding, imploding, sulking and pity parties. He moved on to talk about depression, which is closely related to anger. (I have often heard it defined as, "Anger turned inwards" and I have been there.)  Then, very sneakily, he added the one thing I needed to hear.

The gist was that people who are not kind to us, whether bosses, co-workers, or family may have labelled us,"forgetful, scatter-brained, stupid" or whatever. If we give in to anger as a response to their actions, we allow allow those labels to stick to us.

When we are angry, we replay the situation over and over in our minds. Maybe we are looking for a different outcome or maybe we want justification that our feelings aren't "over reacting". However, the longer that we hold on to the replay, the more time and energy it takes away from our "true self." If we allow this to go on, we have given up our power. This noise in our heads holds us back. We lose.

The only label that matters is the label that God has for us. That label is,"Not only good enough, but unconditionally loved." 

That was my take-away from church. We all have anger cross our paths. How we deal with it, is up to us. If we allow other people to define us, we are far from reaching our own potential.
Being told that you are not good enough, smart enough, etc is painful. Over time, we can start to believe it.

As someone less politically correct would say, "You need to knock  that sh*t off! Quit letting others define you."

You can hear the sermon in its entirety at http://victoryscrossing.com/sermons/handle-anger/
You may find it odd that this was my take-away.
You are welcome to let me know what yours is.

email: nvalady@gmail.com
twitter@nvalady1

The New Adventures of Old Tracy

As I was driving home this evening, I felt just like the tv show, "The New Adventures of Old Christine," inserting my name, of course. I was coming home from my undergrad "Writing for the Media" class, where I am one of  two adult students in a class of approx thirty students. I was very interested to learn more about my classmates and discovered that there are several talented aspiring writers.

So, in the face of "young talent" how does a middle aged woman relate? Relating is easy. The question is can I just appreciate them without feeling insecure?  I think so, at least for the context of my class.

It's interesting to think of the advantages of both ends of the age spectrum.

Pros of Being Older: 

• Hopefully, we are older and wiser and have learned lessons from challenges of life. 
• We have had more "hands on" job experiences. We've already established ourselves as responsible.
• Our children are older, our time commitments minimal. Though, I have to admit, the dog is a lot like a child. 

Pros of Being Younger: 

• When you are younger, you are fearless! You are less concerned with failure. 
• Willing to try things just for fun.
• Less concerned about "What's in it for me?" in the short term. For example- less worried about taking a lower paying job just to get your foot in the door. 

So what's next for the new adventure for Old Tracy? I am looking to gain some experience by writing this blog, some articles on divorced mom.com and now maybe a few marketing /technology pieces. It's intimidating since that's not what I do during the day. I may make my first money ( albeit nominal) for writing soon.  Keep your fingers crossed for me! Say a prayer! 

I could use a little divine blessing over my life! 

What challenges are you tackling now? @nvalady1

Quote of the Day: "Stop Dating Un-Dateable Guys"

Last night I had a mom and daughter date with my 18 year old daughter. This happens periodically when neither of us have plans. It was a nice, low-key evening, where we ran a few errands and had dinner together. Over our Chipotle bowls, we talked about her Valentine's Day plans and my non-plans!

I wrote an article last week for Divorcedmoms.com about beating the blues on Valentine's day. 10-ways-to-beat-the-vday-blues   I am not feeling pouty, but I am pretty certain that I don't have anything Valentine's related to look forward to. I told her that it is hard dating someone who is away more than he is home.  She promptly informed me that we weren't dating. I don't think THAT's true, but she has a point.

Then she told me that I need to stop dating men who are un-dateable! While it sounds a little harsh, there is some truth and wisdom in that. Her statement could cover a multitude reasons, but she was making a direct reference to my last boy friend. He was charming, successful, treated me well, but a perpetual bachelor and commitment-phobe.

So, leave it to me. Only I could find another guy that might be even harder to date. He's a pilot. Sexy, right? Anyway, it's hard to date someone or start a relationship with someone who is away a week or 2 at a time. My expectations aren't unrealistic, and I am not needy, but D-A-N-G.  I certainly know how how to pick them.

On the bright side, there won't be any rushing into anything. Things will have to take their very slow course, or not. That IS a good thing in my world. I am cautious and don't want to fall for BAD guys.   I have lots of thoughts about the WRONG guys, but it's so hard to find the RIGHT ones. http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/bad-boys-bad-boys-five-types-to-say-no-to I don't want to bring guys into my house, or into my life that won't be around for a long term.

Still, in spite of the caution, I am a romantic at heart. There's a part of me that would like to get flowers or feel special. Hoping everyone has a good valentine's day! Even if you avoid the crowds- wishing you a nice evening with wine, flowers and candles. Who needs to go out?


Tracy Shevlin
twitter: @nvalady1
gmail: nvalady@gmail