Personal and Professional Development Series: Benefiting from the Wisdom of Others

Over the past few weeks, I have interviewed several women whom I admire. When I approached them about the interviews, several of them said, "Why me?"  They consider themselves ordinary. They have no idea, or little idea of the impact that they have on others, in their ordinary course of business, or by just being themselves. They are professional, but also personable and caring. They have a positive impact on their environment.
As I listened to their stories, I was amazed by their wisdom. Some of it was taught to them as they grew up- some of it was learned along the way.
A few themes ran through the conversations: Good advice is timeless, Hindsight is 20/20, and if you persevere, you might just succeed in spite of yourself. One more thing that became clear is that there are some things that we just don't understand until we are older.

Timeless Advice:
“Always chose friends who are better than you in knowledge, character and morals. Their influence will have a positive impact on your life.” (Hafsa Abdikeir, Program Support Specialist, George Mason University)This piece of advice is totally true! As a parent, I have told my kids “not to hang out with the wrong crowd,” but this takes that advice one step further and it’s not only for kids. We are often a representation of those closest to us. We learn to emulate those that that we spend the most time with- for good or bad. I have heard reports that we are the median of our inner circle and I think that’s true. If we give thought to our values and with whom we spend our time, then the impact will be positive. We will learn more and be more successful and in the end we will also be better people.
As I reflect on this now, I understand that we guide our children to keep them from harm (and to keep them out of trouble) and that is our job as parents. However, I can’t help but think that for all the negatives that we offer kids- “don’t do this or that”-we really ought to be offering the positive spin as well. It seems clear to me that instead of saying, “Don’t waste your money on that,” we should probably offer thought about spending money on things that have more value or quality. 

If we focus on teaching positive lessons to our kids, they won’t have to learn them later.

“Start out as you mean to go.” (Linda Lane Sheridan, Deputy Campus Coordinator, 4-VA, George Mason University)This is another piece of advice that has a positive spin.  Linda told me that one of her first bosses gave her that advice. This gem simplifies several other familiar sayings: “Don’t go off half-cocked,” “Put your best foot forward,” and “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Professionally, it means, “be organized, positive and strategic. Don’t do things in a haphazard or careless manner.”
Jeff Toister, a national customer service and training expert, explains that first impressions have a lingering effect by creating confirmation bias. Toister explains, “Confirmation bias occurs when people have strongly held opinions. There’s a natural tendency to selectively filter new information, facts, and experiences based upon whether it confirms our opinion. We conveniently hang on to anything that supports our point of view while ignoring or dismissing any evidence to the contrary.”  On a professional level, a good first impression is critical. We all have off-days, but if it’s not the first impression, we are forgiven. Confirmation bias is hard to over-come once a negative first impression has occurred. 
From a relationship perspective, I think this means even more. The precedents we set with relationships- both personal and professional- are defined by the boundaries we set in the beginning. If we allow people to be rude, or to treat us badly, or to take advantage of us in the early stages of a relationship, then it is perceived that the behavior is deemed to be ok, or that we won’t do anything about it. It’s not to say that things can’t change afterwards, but as with most things… change is often met with resistance. It’s harder to change than it is to set the tone from the on-set.

Learning from the wisdom of others is better than learning the hard way. (way better)
As I continue this personal and professional development series, I am doing my best to learn from the wisdom of others. As much as I can learn and share- if I make anyone else’s life a little better or easier, then I have succeeded.
Wisdom is timeless. Knowledge is powerful. Learning the hard way is painful!

Personal and Professional Development Advice Series

I am introducing a new series of posts which will be a combination of personal and professional development topics. I have held several interviews with professional women whom I respect and I want to share some of the practical wisdom that was shared with me. Anytime I can learn, without paying for the knowledge, or falling on my face to acquire it, I am in a better place than where I started.

About the series:

As I was contemplating my blog series, I wanted to find successful women that I could glean knowledge from...  and that was part of the goal, but not the full goal. While I did want to know their secrets of success, I also wanted to know if these women are happy. What makes them feel successful? Did they have a mentor? Did they have a straight or zig-zagged career path? What challenges did they face? How are they like me? How are they different?

I was privileged that some of my interview subjects shared not only their wisdom, but also some personal stories that shaped who they are. I learned that some of these women were lucky in that they had parents and/or mentors who shared wisdom- that they learned early on. Some women KNEW what they wanted to do with their life from the time they were little, but not all of them had a straight career path.

I’ve determined from my interviews that the earlier you discover what really makes you happy and develop confidence in yourself, the sooner will move closer to your dreams. After all, you can't make your dreams come true, if you don't know what you want to do! Also worth noting is that people who were taught with wisdom earlier, developed that confidence earlier and even if their career path wasn't a straight line, they struggled less in their decisions... and had smoother transitions.

One of the best pieces of advice that I heard, came from Shernita Rochelle Parker, an Employee Relations consultant at George Mason University, said the best advice she was ever given was to "not base decisions from a position of fear." I know I can think of several decisions throughout my 30's that were strictly based on fear. How different my life might have been if I had learned that lesson in my 20's or 30's!

Because we each have unique experiences, education and career paths, and different family dynamics... we acquire wisdom at different points. Some people are lucky or blessed to have had strong mentors (or other relationships) that taught them the best way to proceed from the beginning. The rest of us learn through trial and error or not at all.

I desperately wanted to be in the first group when I was younger. Maybe I can make it to the first group now... by learning and absorbing all that I can. All I know for certain is that I will not be in the last group!