Reflections From Victory's Crossing Church June 8

 Reflections From Victory's Crossing  Church, June 8th, 2014

from Growing Confident Kids to Growing Strong Adults and Relationships

A recent sermon at church was about growing confident kids. The Pastor talked about “speaking words of encouragement, loving unconditionally, making time for play and not undervaluing the time we have with our kids.” In a family context, he is absolutely correct! The importance of growing confident kids is a priority for all parents, or it should be.

I understood his message and believe it whole-heartedly. As a single mother, I can only hope that I have provided a strong foundation for my kids- in spite of the stressed and complicated reality that has been my norm for way too long. I hope that my children are still secure in what I was able to give to them- not mentally making a list of what they did not have. It's not all about the money, but even in respect to fun, like the saying goes, "Money can't but you happiness, but poverty can buy you nothing."  This year, I am trying to be mindful to make room for fun. I don't want their memories (or mine) to be full of missed opportunities.

Along that same line, I don’t want my friendships and other relationships to be full of missed opportunities either. As I reflect on the Pastor’s message, his points of loving unconditionally, making time for play and spending quality time are applicable to our other relationships too. We all need friends who love us, encourage us, and pick us back up when we fall.  AND YES, we all fall.

I am a firm believer that investing in people is incredibly valuable. Pastor Arlie is correct that quality time allows people to feel accepted and nurtured. Just as it is important for kids to feel secure in their identity, I think that is important for adults too. No one wants to feel judged or as if they are unworthy. When we sense that we aren’t accepted and loved, that self-doubting voice will try to dominate all thoughts. You can’t thrive when you are making decisions from a position of fear or insecurity.  

With that understanding, I am making a mental checklist to be mindful in how I treat others. I am normally mindful, but everyone has a certain amount of “mess” in their lives. If we wait for “the right- time” to see people, the right-time may be an optical illusion that never happens. I will not take my friendships for granted or let them lapse because I am too "busy". I have learned that life goes by too quickly if you let the time slip away. I have also learned that when time is shared, you capture a bit of it by holding that memory.

The thought for the day is: I will give of myself where I can and invest in the friendships that I have and any new ones along the way. At the end of the day, I don’t want to reflect on the things I didn’t give, or should have done.

Many years ago, when my mother-in law passed away, someone remarked that she had a way about her that made each grandchild feel as if they were her favorite.  What an awesome legacy to leave behind. For some people it comes naturally. For others, (like me) it may be a conscious decision. I say this knowing that I won’t be perfect, but I will do my best. We are all works in progress.

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To hear the sermon for yourself: http://victoryscrossing.com/sermons/your-id-in-christ-3/

Musical Revelations

Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love music. It energizes me, cheers me, soothes me, de-stresses me and puts me to bed at night. I like most types of music... and have my favorites, even at church.

I was given a CD at church  about a while back and I like 2 of the songs really well. Over the past month, I found myself skimming through the CD just to get to these 2 songs specifically and wanting to share them with others. What's more interesting is that tonight, while driving home from work, I had an "Ah-Ha" moment.

I know exactly why they appeal to me... besides being good songs. It's my emotional connection to them.
It's NOT about the topic of the songs- though they are both sweet. They both reflect my thoughts and emotions about God.

"The Prodigal" is a musical version of the bible story, "The Prodigal Son." It is not one of my favorite stories. However, the message of the story is about "redemption" and "restoration." THOSE are the key emotional words that really triggered me to write this post.

We all sin. We all stray away from God. Being able to come back to God and be fully restored is a powerful thing. It's really an amazing thing, born of love and God's redeeming plan for each of us. My salvation was bought by Jesus and I can never be "good enough" to deserve it. If I dwell too deeply on that topic, I can come away feeling badly about myself- thinking of all the mistakes that I have made and the things I should have done better. The message of "The Prodigal," is not only a story of being ABLE to come back to God, but being WELCOMED back. It warms my heart in a way that only a moment of pure love can.

The other song that I like so much is called, "You Are My Child."  The song is about a father coming home after work to be met at the door with all the anxious and excited demands of little ones- "play with me, read me a book," etc. It makes me smile as I think of the Pastor and his brood of children. On one level, the song reflects the father's thoughts that he wants to enjoy his children while they are little. On the other level, it touches upon God's great love for us as his "children."

The lyrics say, "You are my child and I am really pleased with you."  It is an amazing thought that in spite of all that I know about myself, God could be pleased with me. That touches me in a place where soul is fragile. It's not my default position to know that God or others are pleased with me. Staying off the "naughty list" is more in keeping with my daily state of mind.

As a side note- I do hope that as a parent I remember to tell my children that I am pleased with them!

Thank you to Pastor Whitlow of Victory's Crossing Church for sharing his musical gift. A larger thanks to God for allowing me to feel the love through the music.

Lesson of the Day: How to Deal with Anger

I went to church last Sunday- late, but I made it. The topic was, "Anger" and the havoc it wreaks on our lives. When I first heard it, I was thinking, "I am not angry. I have had more than my fair share of dealing with angry people and in general, I am slow to anger." Then, in the last few minutes of the sermon, the Pastor slipped in my lesson of the day.

What was it?  During the sermon, he discussed the expressions of anger - exploding, imploding, sulking and pity parties. He moved on to talk about depression, which is closely related to anger. (I have often heard it defined as, "Anger turned inwards" and I have been there.)  Then, very sneakily, he added the one thing I needed to hear.

The gist was that people who are not kind to us, whether bosses, co-workers, or family may have labelled us,"forgetful, scatter-brained, stupid" or whatever. If we give in to anger as a response to their actions, we allow allow those labels to stick to us.

When we are angry, we replay the situation over and over in our minds. Maybe we are looking for a different outcome or maybe we want justification that our feelings aren't "over reacting". However, the longer that we hold on to the replay, the more time and energy it takes away from our "true self." If we allow this to go on, we have given up our power. This noise in our heads holds us back. We lose.

The only label that matters is the label that God has for us. That label is,"Not only good enough, but unconditionally loved." 

That was my take-away from church. We all have anger cross our paths. How we deal with it, is up to us. If we allow other people to define us, we are far from reaching our own potential.
Being told that you are not good enough, smart enough, etc is painful. Over time, we can start to believe it.

As someone less politically correct would say, "You need to knock  that sh*t off! Quit letting others define you."

You can hear the sermon in its entirety at http://victoryscrossing.com/sermons/handle-anger/
You may find it odd that this was my take-away.
You are welcome to let me know what yours is.

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