Quote of the Day: "Stop Dating Un-Dateable Guys"

Last night I had a mom and daughter date with my 18 year old daughter. This happens periodically when neither of us have plans. It was a nice, low-key evening, where we ran a few errands and had dinner together. Over our Chipotle bowls, we talked about her Valentine's Day plans and my non-plans!

I wrote an article last week for Divorcedmoms.com about beating the blues on Valentine's day. 10-ways-to-beat-the-vday-blues   I am not feeling pouty, but I am pretty certain that I don't have anything Valentine's related to look forward to. I told her that it is hard dating someone who is away more than he is home.  She promptly informed me that we weren't dating. I don't think THAT's true, but she has a point.

Then she told me that I need to stop dating men who are un-dateable! While it sounds a little harsh, there is some truth and wisdom in that. Her statement could cover a multitude reasons, but she was making a direct reference to my last boy friend. He was charming, successful, treated me well, but a perpetual bachelor and commitment-phobe.

So, leave it to me. Only I could find another guy that might be even harder to date. He's a pilot. Sexy, right? Anyway, it's hard to date someone or start a relationship with someone who is away a week or 2 at a time. My expectations aren't unrealistic, and I am not needy, but D-A-N-G.  I certainly know how how to pick them.

On the bright side, there won't be any rushing into anything. Things will have to take their very slow course, or not. That IS a good thing in my world. I am cautious and don't want to fall for BAD guys.   I have lots of thoughts about the WRONG guys, but it's so hard to find the RIGHT ones. http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/bad-boys-bad-boys-five-types-to-say-no-to I don't want to bring guys into my house, or into my life that won't be around for a long term.

Still, in spite of the caution, I am a romantic at heart. There's a part of me that would like to get flowers or feel special. Hoping everyone has a good valentine's day! Even if you avoid the crowds- wishing you a nice evening with wine, flowers and candles. Who needs to go out?


Tracy Shevlin
twitter: @nvalady1
gmail: nvalady@gmail

New Adventure #1- Happy Hour

In my last post about new ideas for 2014, I wrote about joining a social club. My motivation is that if I am not dating, or really, even if I am, I need to enjoy more of life. It's been a tough 3 almost 4 years. I don't want to miss out on my life when I could be doing more and enjoying more of it. Yes, my normal schedule is busy, but I do not want to work or do chores all of the time. Also, it's not realistic to expect my friends and dates to be the soul source of my entertainment. I do fully believe that life is better when shared, but I don't want to be a 3rd wheel all the time.

Well, today was my first happy hour with the one of the groups! I had a fun time... a successful time! Chatted with a few ladies at my end of the table- though there were many more people, both male and female, that I did not get to talk to. I consider it a success because 1) I would do it again 2) there were people there that I could see becoming real friends with.

Anyhow it seems I can be as active as I want to be. There are meet-up groups for almost everything. There are dancing lesson groups, intellectual groups, site seeing and day trip groups, etc. One of the ladies and I talked about taking a line dancing class That sounds fun and embarrassing at the same time! But, perhaps I will do it anyway!

I won't commit to how many outings I will attend or which type, but I will promise to write about the adventures! The mission is to have more fun in 2014, whether I am dating or not, whether my kids drive me crazy or not, or whether money is tight or not. You get the idea!

So, here's to being braver and more adventurous in 2014! Maybe we will all have a good time! 

New Ideas in 2014

2014 has brought me some new ideas and new hopes. 

I wrote before that a friend had encouraged me to write a book about my online dating experiences. Instead, I started a blog... more or less to hold the memories and/or stories that I want to share. Then, almost immediately after I started the blog, I decided to quit online dating. As you can imagine, that hasn't added many more dates for me to write about.   

To be honest, when I deleted my online dating profiles, there had been someone that I had hoped to see again. It was the first date I had been on in a while that I was super excited about. So, what happened?  Well, for starters, he was a pilot, and was away more than he was in town. Secondly, I don't think he was particularly tech savvy- no texting or messaging. Lastly, I don't think the distance worked in my favor. It would have been nice to have "absence make the heart grow fonder", but alas, it did not work out that way. 

After leaving 2 chipper voice mails again this week telling him that I would like to catch up, I have deleted his number from my phone. 

So what's a girl to do now? I am still determined that I need more social activity to keep me balanced. 

I did something today that may prove interesting to my social life. I found 2 social groups that host different activities. One is a women's group, another a mixed group  that does more happy hour type stuff. 

I have signed up for 2 happy hours already! Perhaps I will have things to write about after all! 

I have also started writing some freelance articles on divorcedmoms.com. My second article should be published soon!  So, all in all, 2014 is starting off interestingly. Perhaps there is hope left in this middle aged discouraged body. Truly, I know there is hope. 2013 was not my year! 

Hoping happiness follows hope. In all honesty, I am still a hopeless romantic. Is that crazy?

Feel free to email me here nvalady@gmail.com or via twitter @nvalady1

#social clubs, #dating over 40, #divorcedmoms.com

Happy 2014 and God Bless!